osocsfandomcom-20200213-history
Lobstermen
BEGIN PROFILE: Subjects LOBSTERMEN are currently thirty individuals hybridizing human and lobster DNA. Subjects were found in the year 20REDACTED, in the mansion of a privately wealthy individual known as REDACTED. REDACTED was an heir to long-term family wealth, and had been known as an expert in the fields of biological sciences; but had acquired a reputation for reactionary politics; and a philosophy relating to the idea of lobsters as the ultimate model for human society. Repeated secondary reports of sanitary and health code violations in the mansion were noted after his retreat from the field; and multiple “cryptid sightings” lead the G.U.F.F. to place an undercover agent amongst the servant staff. According to records accessed by our agent; the esteemed REDACTED, the area was run akin to a millitarized socially-darwinistic/meritocratic ideal; resembling Ancient Sparta, and had divisions between Apex,” “Elite,” “Elect,” and “Servants,” which all human excepting the creator were. The creatures were subject to constant millitary drills and rigorously enforced; brutal cleanliness, alongside a culture of nigh-fascist mysticism and millitary worship; and constant propaganda along with secondary “secret wars” against other millitary operations. There was a secondary “underground” culture circulated by the servants and those LOBSTERMEN in the low rank of “Elect,” but this has mainly been ascertained after the fact; due to the punishment given for its revelation. The original numbers of the group of LOBSTERMEN were one hundred and twenty when the investigation began, but had dwindled down to one hundred when the G.U.F.F. moved in, further dwindling to forty due to fighting in defense of the mansion or “honorable” suicide. '' ''All of these casualties were later determined to be from the “Apex” and “Elite” ranks, the only ones trusted enough to do so. The remaining LOBSTERMEN exhibit behaviors common to abused children; and have health problems relating to both abuse; neglect; malnutrition; and the combination of lobster and human biology, though treatments are being developed by our parabiologists and they are currently being given care and therapy by our organization. The creator was apprehended before he could commit suicide, with the only injuries being a black eye given by Agent REDACTED because “They were children! You were doing this to children for your sick fucking cult!” Agent REDACTED was not reprimanded for this. The links both financial and philosophical between the creator and a currently operating reactionary philosopher with similar views on lobsters are inconclusive and currently under investigation. As are the links between the rogue REDACTEDologist and the experiments with “Clam-Men” and its relation to their “Secret Wars”… Author Commentary This whole entry is a giant fuck you to Jordan Peterson. Because the man's obsession with lobsters lent itself naturally to pulp-y lobstermen, and I thought I might as well explore how that could be used to deconstruct his worldview! As per usual with G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator! And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, which I previewed this design on ages ago, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate! Category:G.U.F.F. Entries